I know you guys are just trying to be helpful, and I really appreciate that. You are all AWESOME, but there are some things I really can handle by myself. (Or perhaps just one of you could assist me instead of three or four all at once.)

Anyway, here’s a list of some of the things I’m able to do without doggy assistance (though I appreciate your thoughtfulness and willingness to help.)

Eating… really, I can handle this. (Drooling on my leg does not make my meal more pleasant, nor does whining.)

Making food. (I appreciate you reminding me every 5 minutes that there is food cooking, but that’s why I have kitchen timers. I really do have some clue what I’m doing at least half the time.)

Finding food in the fridge or pantry.

Finding pans in the cabinet.

Loading and unloading the dishwasher. (Nice thought, but I’ve got it under control guys.)

Unloading groceries from the bags. (I can’t see what’s in the bag when your head is in there!)

Answering the phone. (If you’re not going to pick it up and say hello, don’t rush to it and block the way.)

Answering the door. (I can’t reach the handle with three big dogs in front of me, though I’m sure whoever rang the bell came to see YOU.)

Opening and closing doors. (I know you can open them, but you lack closing skills.)

Filling the bird feeder.

Filling your food dishes!!! (The dancing is cute. Bumping the backs of my knees is NOT helpful.)

Going to the bathroom. (Honest ~ I won’t fall in!)

Getting clothes out of the dryer. (I know… they smell so CLEAN without dog slobber on them ~ yuck!)

Putting my shoes on. (Bumping my hands with your noses does not make this go faster.)

Walking. (I do not need to be herded, led, pushed, bumped, etc.)

Painting walls. (Poking the wet paint with your noses, laying against the walls, pawing them, licking my hands and arms and generally milling about the work area does not exactly make the work faster or easier.)

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a ‘sniffing dog’.

‘His name is Sniffer and he’s the best there is. I’ll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.’

The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the Policeman said, ‘Watch this.’

He told Sniffer to ‘search’.

Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman’s arm.

The Policeman said, ‘Good boy’, and he turned to the man and said, ‘That woman is in possession of marijuana, I’m making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.

‘Gee, that’s pretty good,’ replied the first man.

Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.

The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent’s arm.
The Policeman said, ‘That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I’m making a note of his seat number for the police.’

‘I like it!’ said his seat mate.

The Policeman then told Sniffer to ‘search’ again.

Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poop all over the place.

The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn’t figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, ‘What’s going on ?’