How to Prepare for a
Puppy
Pour cold apple juice on
the carpet in several places and walk around barefoot in the dark.
Wear a sock to work that has had the
toes shredded by a blender.
Immediately upon waking, stand outside
in the rain in the dark saying, "Be a good puppy, go potty now - hurry up - come
on, let’s go!"
Cover all your best clothes with dog
hair.
Dark clothes must use white
hair;
light clothes must use
dark.
Float some hair in your first cup of
coffee in the morning.
Also put some hair in everything that
you cook!!!
And in the pots and pans in your
cupboards!!
Run out in the snow/rain in your bare
feet to close the gate.
Tip over a basket of clean laundry,
scatter clothing all over the
floor.
Leave your underwear on the living
room floor because that’s where the puppy will drag it anyway..... especially
when company is coming.
Jump out of your chair shortly before
the end of your favorite TV program and run to the door shouting "No, No! Do
THAT OUTSIDE!"
Miss the end of the program :))
Gouge the leg of the dining
room table several times with a screwdriver. ... it’s going to get chewed on
anyway.
Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in
the morning; don’t try to clean it up until you get home from work in the
evening.
Have a backhoe come in and dig random
giant holes in your yard.
Then go out in the early am and step
in a few.
Try not to break
anything.
Take a warm and cuddly blanket out of
the dryer and immediately wrap it around yourself. This is the feeling you will
get when your puppy falls asleep on your
lap.
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